Earth or rather the world is a beautiful place. Life on the other hand isn't as beautiful as you think it is. All my seventeen years of life has been on a roller coaster ride. What Nini and I have been through all these years are very similar. Too similar that when I heard about it, it really is the same as mine. There was a growing realization after what Nini said was true, when we've reached the age of reminiscent, that was the day that we lose our family. We lost the perfect family portrait that we never got to have. But that's alright, what to do? Life…
I had a rough day recently, and I was rather a pathetic hopeless girl living in a screwed up life. My dearest brother and I talked about the past, and it really occurred to me that we both need each other, we both have been a strong bond, of siblings. We fight, we care, we shout, we play and above all, we'll never get into ignoring each other for more then five minutes. Thats why I love my brother, and he really is a strong dude, who have gone through so much more then I did. Sigh. He has talked some sense into me, some I already knew of, but whatever it was, it gave me hope to think that life is beautiful, you just got to live it to the fullest…
On the other hand, my mum is a very strong women, combined my brother's and my problem plus even more cruelty, she is still standing on her own two feet defending for the sake of her kids. I always feel guilty when I shout at her or have a fight with her. I feel like she doesn't deserve me being rude to her, and I sincerely apologize to her, I really miss those days spent together, anyways, Life has to move on, and things do change, for the better good or the worst, but regardless of what, we still need to do our best in life or live in eternal misery for the rest of your life. Keep holding on and have faith, don't give up entirely.
If you think you really know me, you don't, because I have been hiding behind a mask since I was a kid, because I'm afraid to let the whole world see me as I am. But that doesn't mean I am a two face bitch or that, what I have been doing all my life is fake, yes I can be nice sometimes because I am inspired by Jesus, but sometimes you don't know how I can scream and shout at someone like a sod kid and probably dislike some one for what they have done wrong. I try to forgive, though sometimes I can't forget, because the pain is still lingering, faint and fading but still there, like a tattoo it never goes away…
Being a cancerian (Zodiac 21 June - 23 July) "Cancer is a Water sign, and as such is connected to the world of emotion and the instincts. It is also a Cardinal sign, which means that planets placed here will express themselves in a very dynamic fashion especially in matters connected with care and protection. There is a great sensitivity on an inner level, but rather a secretive nature. Loyalty and attachment, sentimentality and hanging on to the past, here is also a possessive streak, and a tendency to be emotionally smothering. Nevertheless Cancer confers a strong intuitive nature and deeply-held feelings.
You are sensitive and easily hurt though this may not be immediately apparent on the outside. Likewise, you are loyal and passionate in your defense of those you love injury done to them is also done to you. You have a strong and instinctive protective nature. The greatest dilemma in your life comes when the bonds of attachment are broken for example in connection with changes in the family structure. At these times it is important to recognize the dangers of sentimental attachment to the past. Your reluctance to let things go can stand in the way of your personal development.
You have a great talent for building up a nurturing environment for those who are close to you, yet it can also help to be more open to those who are not necessarily so close. You are easily upset by changes in your daily rhythm, and can be rather grumpy when called upon to change habitual behaviors. Your home is your castle. These are all characteristics associated with Cancer."
So as you can see somehow the Zodiac thing really is about yourself, it's so true that you don't have to explain anything to anyone, just tell them your zodiac sign and your birthdate.
Basically I don't really like to share my pain with anyone else, because to me I find it a burden to others, I really don't mind comforting someone then someone comfort me. I am all out to cheer up and be there for the person and maybe give some advices? Because giving is better then receiving. That's the way I am and that's the way I am gonna be, you can't change me, because I like to be myself, one shouldn't change one's shoe to be in another's shoe.
Be happy with who you are, because God created you the way you are and in that way you will have to accept it no matter what, because you may look ugly in someone's eyes but in God's eye your more then beautiful, your unique and your his creation. Everyone is different, some can be similar but never the same. Everyone is Unique in their ways, so live with it with every hope and chance you are given, because life is short and paradise is waiting, God is waiting.
I am however disappointed at myself for being a pathetic hopeless girl. I can't keep to my time schedule and I can't wake up on time. I can't do anything right and all I do is disappoint people. I know I still act like a kid, because I love being a kid and hope to never grow up. It is carefree and you don't have to worry, you don't have to give a fuck about any damn thing. Just be your self and be happy…
But sometimes, it's okay to breakdown, it's okay to cry till there's no more tears to shed. Sometimes you need some time off in life and relax, rewind and remember those happy moments, because they matter more then those bad or rather sad moments…
The scars I have are not meant to kill myself, it's meant to remind me that life is still going on and that you have to do your best in everything, no matter what.
XOXO;
Avriel Babbles